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  • Writer's pictureChurch Pew Slay

not for show


We’re in the process of relocating. Our house is on the market, and I’m stressed to the max. Keeping a house clean is one thing, but being forced to say yes to complete strangers making requests of me on a whim, me grudgingly agreeing, all with the unlikely hope they’ll pull out their checkbook, - is proving to be too much for me.

According to our realtor if we want our house to sell quickly, it’s best that we remove all of our personal effects, family photos, ethnic art, - any traces of ‘us’. And replace with what he described as more broad-ranging, plain, palatable décor. He explained how potential buyers need to be able to imagine themselves making this their home, or they’ll continue looking for a better one.

I asked him, “Do you really think our house wouldn’t sell if we left it as is?” He explained that by doing so, we’d potentially have a much longer wait, hoping to luck up on buyers not only interested in our humble abode, but who also happen to have similar taste as I, not be turned off by our family construct, and be able to look past what could be perceived as imperfection.

Look, I ain’t no Martha Stewart, but that hurt.

This is not fun!


I was watching Fix Your Life the other day, and a young woman didn’t want to wash her makeup off in the front of the cameras in fear of judgement. Iyanla Vanzant quickly rebutted, “That’s yo’ face! You’re going to let other people’s opinions control what you do with YOUR face?”

She said, “You’re going to have to learn as a woman to learn to stand in the face of other people’s disapproval of you. This is not about the makeup. This is about what you tell yourself is required of you to be approved and accepted by other people and why it matters to you.”

Surely I’m not the only one guilty of minimizing myself with the hope that I would be more palatable to a broader range of people. People making requests of me on a whim, me saying yes, when I wanted to say no. Removing personal characteristics, the tone of my voice, the kink in my hair, the knowledge in my brain, - contorting to plain, palatable décor.

Don’t ever be for show. It ain’t fun.


Leopard Coat: ASOS / Similar one located here.

Black Dress: Zara / Similar one located here.

Converse: ASOS / Similar ones located here.


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